:)

I like to write something personal here, and because I lost track of who might be reading this blog, I just want to say that this isn't about self pity. I am only documenting thoughts. If you can understand that, you're welcome to read.

Well... it seems it hasn't really ended... not yet

I know having some setbacks in life is necessary, and I couldn't be more grateful because through a series of setbacks, I've learned and experienced things I didn't know before. Although this is the most heartbroken journey I ever took, I know it'll be the same as the other rough patches in my life. At the end of it, I'll be proud that I held on and I've became stronger.

You know, I once thought that this would be over once I forget a certain someone, but then there's still the aftermath. The sleeping disorder that's built up over months, the irregular eating habits, the habit of occupying my time with random things so that i don't feel any vacuum, the strong reliance on friends to tell me which steps to take.

The worst thing is the tendency to manifest negative thoughts. Whenever I come across a problem, I'll tend to be very negative about it. This isn't like me, and I am ashamed. Sometimes I feel some of these problems I'm worrying about are self inflicted, and that make me feel stupid.

Whatever it is, I have this defence mechanism that will sound the alarm when it's time to change. And I'm already on my way to rectify these things. I guess I'm getting better everyday, but it takes time. I'm going to bring matters into my hands instead of watching what will happen.

I remember this powerful quote that I heard back in the Haising days:

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects the wind to change; the realist adjusts the sail"

So enough waiting and hoping. Things won't work if I don't put in the effort.