The last few steps

Yesterday was officially the last day of school. After my papers in the next 2 weeks, my 18 years of school life, together with many other things, would come to an end.

After my quiz and afternoon nap yesterday, I met up with a friend in the music dreamers cafe. Great place to relax but I guess my mood was too heavy for that. I didn't even manage to make light hearted small talks and I hope I didn't bore my friend.

Anyway, I was thinking about all the things that happened in my life recently. It was really like a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs came so fast that I never really got the chance to understand what was going on. One moment I was in depression, the other moment something good happened, and then something bad happened again and the cycle went on and on.

What I did realise is that there are just so many things in life that's beyond my control. I have not asked for all these to happen but they did. And I never imagined that things would be so different from what I have originally thought.

Maybe that's what it's meant to be. Life should never be predictable or it would be colourless. But I would still like to gain some control. So for my sake, I'm going to make some resolutions.

By 30th April, which is the day of my last paper, I want to let go of it all. All the anger, the questions, the feelings and maybe even the things that remind me of the past. I tried that so many times but it's really impossible to forget unless I whack my head with something and it's impossible to forgive because I'm really not that nice. But from that day onwards, I will concentrate on my new life.

I need a change very badly. I really hope I can gain more control in my life.