old friends

I feel some friends are no longer friends, some friendships are based on old ties and nothing else.

I had a gathering last week. Being late as usual, I asked if i could pick up something for them along the way. The person on the other end of the phone asked for a bottle of chivas, which cost over 100 for a bottle. I asked if he's sure and he said that they would share the cost. I bought a half bottle anyway, since that was the closest i found. Only 3 were sharing, and they only paid 10 dollars per person. On one hand, i was glad that I've only found the half bottle, on the other hand..... I was pissed because i absorbed the remaining cost that was not paid for!!!!!!

I thought it was only polite not to show any sign of frustration in a birthday party. That was a gathering of old friends and I shouldn't be calculative with friends. But i just couldn't help thinking how many times I absorbed these things whenever we're out. If I'm not the one paying, I always make sure i pay more than my share so that the one paying will not have to pay extra. If i can think of that for my friends, why can't they think the same for me??? I felt so disregarded.... THE SAD THING IS, None of them really wanted that alcohol...

Money aside. I tried not to let my mood influence the party. There were some children around, one of them jumped onto the bed and fell. She landed on her head, and she sobbed while pressing her palms on her head. While i tried to pacify her 'does it hurt???', one of my old friends replied instead " of course lah... then why you think she cry?" I turned a deaf ear to that and continued 'it doesn't hurt that much right???', the girl shook her head bravely. "Come, stand up and walk it off", the girl complied, while my smart friend made another smart comment " walk it off?? u think she leg pain ah?" At that moment, I wanted to take up the pillow and throw it right at my friend's face, if only I had one, and it wasn't a birthday party, and he wasn't a friend. Why can't all these insults wait when i'm trying to do something good? Are the things i said really stupid?

With that, let me digress. I can take any insult that is meant as a joke or a constructive feedback. I cannot accept anyone telling me I am fucked up with no reason, or anyone saying that simply to agitate me. Cheesebuns

We played blind cat, and that was to entertain the kids. I had no mind to win and so i was always the catcher (blind cat)... In a small room, even when i'm blindfolded, I could have easily catch someone with abit of speed. Instead, i slowed down so that the kids would not run around in the dark room. To my surprise (very big surprise), someone threw pillows to my face a few times (which was what i wanted to do earlier but did not)... and there could be only one (or two) person in the entire room who could do that. It couldn't be the kids.... cause it was thrown in my face with force. It couldn't be the girls.... so it must be the old freinds.

CHEESEBUNS

If he had only put a little more thinking into it.... he'll know
that the game was about the kids....
that i certainly won't find it funny to be attacked by pillows to my face when i'm blindfolded....
that it's ironic because i actually wanted to throw a pillow at him earlier

While i was blind under the heavy cover of the blankets i had to walk around with, I was reaching my boiling point. Not wanting to spoil the fun for the children, I continued with the game, telling them that they shouldn't throw pillow at a blind guy. I still got attacked... and later i found that i was the only one getting attacked. Under the blankets, while pretending that i was still on the game, I was actually thinking about other things.....

I was thinking about why i had to put up with that kind of behavior? Was the situation unappropriate for a confrontation, or am i too weak to confront a friend? My mind immiediately recollected scenes of me being mistreated.....

I remember him telling me that I'm gullible (which is groundless and not constructive and totally meant as a way for him to win his argument) when he was trying to win an argument. (Anyway, i got the facts that he just refused to believe). Have u ever tried winning an argument against a friend with "but you cannot be right, you're stupid!!!", instead of arguing with facts and evidence?

I remember spending my precious birthday shopping around for other people's clothes (one whole day), and get rewarded with a gift that was picked from the free gifts booth from the street (right in front of my eyes). I had other options to spend my bday... and i would very much like to spend it with other people if i could turn back the time.... It was my 21st birthday, it was supposed to be memorable!!!

Friends I've known for the longest time, including the above mentioned (whether i made reference to 'him or 'them') change from the time we were really friends. Some proved to be better friends, some abuse me. I always think i play a part for people to disregard me, I must have bent my head so low that people just have to step on it. Should friends be people who remember birthdays, buy pricey mindless gifts just to keep the old ties, or people who
genuinely consider for you?