In a lousy mood tonight

I don't know which is affecting me more, the solemn event just now, the realisation that I've neglected my work, my father's health, or unpleasant friendships.

The whole of hall one gathered at canteen one just now. The usual laughters were replaced with stern expressions. The usual greetings were replaced by awkward smiles. Fengji's departure has left everyone heavyhearted, regardless of how close we are. It reminds us that coping with Death is part of living. Even though we claim to know it, experiencing it brings along a totally different level of understanding. I just saw him 2 days ago, and now he's not around anymore. Life's as unpredictable as that.

It disturbs me greatly that the unit in my alma mater seems to be moving in a wrong direction. CIs are organisers of school events and the HOs are supervisors. I've just realised how dangerous this can be. CIs and HOs are merely volunteers, and they should be advisors. Ultimately, the school has to entrust its students to perform their tasks. I'm afraid over-reliance will be bad for the school in the long run. Alumni will find other life outside, and they can't be as driven as the present batch.

computers

Computers never turn out to be exactly what U want them to be. No matter how many times you reformat or how many compters you may have. From time to time, you'll find programs fail for no apparent reason, computer settings changed by itself, one or two spywares infecting your folders. In the early stage, you may want to insist your com to be error free, but as time goes by, you find you can actually live with the problems. All will go well until the mess gets so big that you'll have to reformat and start all over again. By then, you'll be smarter in steerling your com towards your utopian state, but it'll NEVER be error free. Once again, you learn to live with its shortcomings.

It startled me how computers and human beings share so many similarities.

To stay or not to stay

For months, I've been complaining about the lack of other aspects in life other than school. Then, realisation hit me. What life can I expect to get if i'm staying 5 days in school every week. I figured the only way to break the routine is to move back to my home.

It is, however, a difficult decision to make. Staying away from school will mean I have to travel for 4hrs everyday. Reaching home in the evening and leaving for school early in the morning, I doubt there'll be much time for me to seek the other aspects of life. Also, my kahkees are no longer around, some leaving, some left. My best friend back at home is likely to be my computer.

Also, the change is irreversible. Once I move out of hall, I doubt i'll ever move in again.

I guess I'll just stay for the time being. After one year of hall life, I'm missing home too easily.

The aftermath of the Great battle...

I didn't expect paintball to be so fun and addictive. With adrenaline running high like the time in sispec, the body acted over its usual capacity and I felt no sign of fatigue. However, I think paintball is much more exciting than sispec excersies because we get to inflict pain on the opponents. We fought against the commando team which consisted of 3 sharp shooters. It only took them 2 secs to get an aim on anything that's exposed. They made me run many times to the medical centre.

My legs have been sore for 2 whole days and I spend alot of time thinking of that 15min game. I feel like a wounded soldier after a great battle, cursing at my scars while smiling at the memories they bring back.

seven swords

Watched seven swords with Lionel and Weihan on sunday after a sumptuous lunch at sakae. It turned out to be nothing more than other chinese films. However, the film is entertaining for its absurdities.

I couldn't understand the fighting scenes. One moment, the soldiers were fighting with a man. The next, a wall collapsed, and then the sandbags exploded. Then the soldiers and the man came back to screen again, with the soldiers all lying on the floor. A silent WTF echoed in the theatre.

There were many sex scenes, all very exotic. One showed how a man was biting the back of a woman while the woman was desperately feeding on the back of a roasted pig. Other sex scenes include sex in cave, sex on ice, sex in public... we had little doubt we were watching the work of a sex maniac.

The funniest bit was the part showing a girl running away from the traitor of the village. Apparently, the girl knew too much and the traitor tried to silence her. The village girl scrambled in the midst of the other villagers. The traitor happily walked slowly towards the helpless girl, slaying anyone in his way. Strangely, the villagers were all too busy to notice the drama happening around them, happily minding their own business while their fellow villagers were being slayed. In the end, the traitor took the whole village by surprise and he wasn't even tiptoeing. A village like this really deserves to die.

When the village was left with the girl and some kids. The murderer smiled as he raised his sword. A kid threw a stone at him as the balde almost touched the forehead of the girl. Change of plan! Even though the blade was centimentres from the girl he wanted to kill so badly, the murderer decided to kill the kid first. Hence, the murderer walked slowly towards the kid, raised his sword again before another stone hit him. Change of plan again, he walked towards the other kid who threw stone at him. Just as the kids were keeping him busy by throwing stones at him and making him walk around, the girl picked up a sword and killed the idiot when he wasn't looking. Fantastic plot!

2nd week into school

NPCC recruitment drive has come to a close. The next big thing will be the orientation day. There have been suggestions to change beach games to paint war, though I silently hoped otherwise.

The first 2 weeks of school tells me that the road ahead is going to be tough. I've attended 3 meetings in 2 weeks, and all took twice the amount of time needed for the discussion. Though I don't mind crapping, but I'm trying hard to follow a busy schedule. A little less crap will help me catch up more on my studies.

I don't know if it's me. I tend to be very judgmental and I've been unhappy about many people's work attitude. Then again, I don't know if the problem lies with my inability to work with others. This thing is probably going to get me into some big trouble soon.

I've lost the magic of the first days of school. Though I still religiously following my schedule, I'm no longer cheerful and happy. Stress and pressure start building up. Sometimes, I have to pretend to enjoy other's company, and I make little effort in pretending.