week 8

I think dunstan has put it quite aptly, that life's a jogging track.

I can slow down on the track now, but I cannot stop. - extract from a THINKER's thought, disabling right click proven useless

The recess week is coming to an end, and normally at times like this I will find myself in trouble. What happen to the plans i made before the week?? I'm supposed to have finshed my chem revision, my math tutorials, cleaned up my room and recovered my missing calculator, none of which has been accomplished.

It is not that i've not been doing anything in my holidays... i've been travelling from end to end of singapore for at least 8 times last week. It's just that i'm expected to handle more than i can imagine.

If i'm going to survive this, i have to cut down on idling time.... arrgggggg.... but, idling is my favourite pastime.... guess i can't really let time pass me that easily now.

Have to pick up speed for this course... must get ready for the sprint soon.

blind

I think I may be a little too headstrong recently. Tho Yuwen has assured me that my suggestions are brilliant, but i've been challenging her ideas to an extend that she thinks she is responsible for state the unit is in. Sorry, i really don't mean that.

just occurred to me that i'm working with females, more delicate, more emotionally attached to their work.

as much as i want to change and listen to their opinion, i have to be really impartial and not let their emotions influence me. This is the challenge i have to face now.

Working with guys in the past was so much easier, we either see eye to eye or fight it out.

The five days

extremely weak as an aftermath of the 4days intensive work. chingay went by rather smoothly apart from the few times we had to reason with performers and the spectators. I learnt that in an event like this where detailed coordination between different groups cannot be possible as everyone has different agenda, it is extremely important to keep cool. Not much problem for me as my controllers were all outstanding.

Rushed back to my unit camp after chingay. Had been rushing between the 2 places for 3days, sleeping less than 4hrs a day. Nothing much to say about the camp yet.

Monday was terrible. I struggled to wake a few times but was not successful. The powerful sandman kept me on my bed the whole morning, I managed to crawl to my couch in the living room where he soon put me to sleep again. I slept everywhere, my bed, the couch, the floor, the toilet, on the mrt train, back in school.

Finally awake now, but back to face my old problems. Messy room, dirty toilet, the admin, the tutorials and the term tests next week.

CCA points

woke up feeling suffocated.

Friday is finally drawing close, tomorrow I will work as a NTU NPCC HO, representing the unit in a national event. Heavy responsibility as ppl from other institutes will be there, our reputation is at stake. But come to think of it, I'm not excited at all, the thought of tomorrow makes me sian instead. One, NTU NPCC doesn't have a reputation to uphold anymore... two, I feel i'm fighting for somebody else's glory.

Was thinking of the CCA point allocating system in school. I think the system is not fair to some people.

1) the classification of CCAs

The CCAs in sch are classified into 4 main categories, with NPCC in the last category. This is very unfair because zhuo bo CCAs like JCRC are in category 1A. NTU recognise NPCC as SHIT, IVP players from various sports get enough points just by going for competitions, members of sports club recieve enough points for organising activities (that supposedly boost the reputation of the sch), while NPCC members suck their thumbs even though they participate in national events, organise national camps... etc.

2) points allocated to the different categories

is largely unfair...
For the same amount of work that is done.... or even more i'll say... why do the cat b2 CCAs recieve a miserable 12 points while the cat A1 recieve up to 30?

The point is, people who are joining the CCA of their interest are not rewarded equally. It's quite obvious that ppl join JCRC subcomms merely for the sake of getting points while ppl who join NPCC are driven by passion. How come they have more points by delivering milk, painting banners, supporting interhall games by sitting there and yawn??????? Are the activities they do necessary in the first place???? JCRC is meant to improve living standard in hall, what have forcing subcommers to go support games have to do with improving living condition??? merely wasting their time for no reason.

I think the officials are highly myopic.

one more entry before i go home, this may be more suitable to be a vday entry

wondering... how come some people cannot stand to be single.

read a blog..... this person was affected very much by the loving couples he saw on vday, and he felt like he was attacked by a gust of emotion in his dark lonely room that night. wahahaha

I don't mean to laugh. I'm also single, also datelss on vday, no better than him. But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I enjoyed my vday with a dinner with my hallmates and a good game of winning 11 with dunstan. Vday is like any other day to me, the only difference is that you can never find a single vacant seat on the MRT, it's either 2 or none. You won't see people keeping to one side of the escalator as well.

Back to the point. I'm no saint, I understand how much one needs love, care, and affection. I'm very much attracted to the female species as well. But still, I cannot understand why people choose to wallow in self pity.

pathetic you know

There're so many other things to worry about, like the weather nowadays (spore hitting 35degrees.... cannot take nap in the afternoon liao), the government banning mp3 downloads, the power rangers (my childhood idols) becoming stranger than the aliens they used to fight, the tuition fees in unversities....blah blah blah... etc...

Some people are acting as though finding a mate is the sole purpose of their lives. Like being single is an unbalanced state and the way to be balanced again is to be attached quickly, like a single oxygen atom can't exist on its own. No... having a mate will not solve your problems in this case, you won't function better with one, cos u r your own problem. stop feeling pity for yourself.

I'm not saying not to worry at all, but not in such a manner. Everyone wants to find a partner of their choice, but if you don't have one, don't take it as your fault, and don't blame it on fate.

penis envy

in holiday mood~~~~~~~~~~

the lazy bug in me strikes back with vengeance, now i sleep no less than 12 hrs a day, skipping every possible lecture i have to attend.

Was disturbed from my sleep again this afternoon, this time not by the heat. Juneyi told me that taitat had booked the media library to screen Dr strangelove (another weird film that funny lecturer wants us to watch), so i struggled to wake and met juneyi to go to the media library. Juneyi is a very interesting character, cos she doesn't know her way around NTU after 7 months in the institute. Chatted along the way and don't know how the conversation led to her saying she wants to be a male in her next life.... I thought that was rather interesting but i did not comment. Why interesting??? cos i just read about it yesterday.

electra complex.

quote
"Penis envy - An aspect of Sigmund Freud's developmental theory. Freud believed that during development girls had to switch from having the mother as the love object to having the father as the love object: and also switch from the clitoris to the vagina as the main genital zone. At about the age of four, Freud believed that girls first discovered they lacked a penis. The girl will blame her mother or the lack of a penis and the consequent hurt to her own self-esteem. This causes the girl to give up clitoral sexuality, and turn to the father as love object. This aspect of Freud's theory has received a great deal of criticism, particularly from feminist psychoanalysts. "

Of course, I'm not saying that her wish to be a male next life is related to this electra complex thing. I don't quite believe the theory myself. But after reading up on psychoanalysis for the past few weeks and having a significant number of female friends wanting to be male (in their next life), I wonder if some of the theories i read are true... crudely put it, the phallus as the symbol of authority.

Don't quote me on anything. I'm not sure.

14th feb

A few interesting things happened today

1)
Was walking towards the south spine when i saw a familier figure. She dragged me to this man with a microphone...

man with mike:" HI SIR..... let me ask you a question, how many friends do you make in a month?"

(shoved the mike to my face)

me (hastily):" zero!"

man (not satisfied) : " how many in a year then?"

me: "ten???"

man:" TEN IN A YEAR. say i can make you know ten times more in a day... 10 times 10... what do u get??

me:"............."

man:" 100 right? this is the programme i want to show you..." (presented a brochure)

(pushed mike to me again, i refused to converse thru the system as we were the only 2 who were talking. I grabbed the brochure and said i'll think about it)

felt damn stupid....

2)
was on msn

justin: hey, better set ur mode to away

me: oh yar (adjusted my settings)

justin: it's vday and u're online.... you r a loser

me: eh... then you leh?

justin: wa lau, u studying in uni and staying in hall somemore, after all the money u spent, u're as pathetic... i look you no up

me: wa lau... what did u think i stayed in the hostel and come to sch for?? i wan to study leh.

justin: dun give me crap unless u're not a male

.....

3)
was talking to junjie

me: SIAN!!!!!!

junjie: told you to get a gf liao... u don't want to listen

me: eh..... get a gf won't feel sian already ah?

junjie: at least not so sian

me: u sure or not?? u guarantee ah?

junjie: ...............

uncle

planned to sleep early and wake at 5, but it's already 3.30a.m. I have tried and tried... but can't sleep... can't stop thinking of physics test.

so instead of forcing myself to sleep or killing myself with an overdosage of quantum mechanics, i've decided that i should blog abt my uncle before i blog abt valentine's day tmr.

here goes..

My extended family is a very big family, with some expanded overseas and i've not met them before. With such a big family, it's logical to think that my house will be filled with guests every chinese new year, but that is far from what is happening. My mum is in a major dispute with many other relatives... politics... so we slept for the whole of new year.

My grandmother's youngest son, my mum's youngest brother, my youngest uncle, is someone i hardly see in recent years. In the past when I was under the care of my grandma, i lived with this uncle as well. He was studying in a junior college, very smart, was a top student i think. His academic performance was definately one of the best (if not the best) in the family such that even the younger generation (mine) doesn't come close. Even as a 5 yr old kid, I knew that he was smarter than many people. However, his academic achievements did not speak for his behaviour... for he was mean, especially to kids like me. Whenever my grandma was out to practice taichee... i would be in his room for a scolding or pulling my ears. In the past i thought i deserved them... but i still can't understand this sadistic behavior as a grown up cos this is not something i'll do to other 5 yr old kids, not so intensive at least.

The problem came after i complained to my mum, which i really regreted cos my mum talks about this even after several years. But how can you blame me for wanting to seek refuge when i was a helpless 5 yr old. Of course i know that the family dispute is not about me, i'm just used as a tool in the arguments.

The problem got bigger, my mum and uncle finally refuse to speak to each other. My mum, notorious for being stubbon and unreasonable, while my uncle, famous for his temper and rudeness...

Whenever it is time to bai nian, my brother and i are always in a dilemma.

Strangely, my uncle always set aside ang paos for us, and my grandma (who's living with him) will always ask us to collect it ourselves.

Yesterday, i finally saw my uncle after several years. I wished him a happy new year, he didn't even turn to me, just made a cold "uh" and proceeded straight to the bathroom. I thought the years have wash away any hatred, if any, and i am only my mother's son, i'm not the one fighting with him. He came out of the bathroom and quickly grabbed his helmet. I asked if he''s going out (obviously trying to make conversation), he gave another 'uh', refusing to look at me and my brother.

I immediately reached a conclusion. The angpaos that he insists to give every year is to repay whatever my mum has done for him when she regarded him as a brother. My mum must have tortured him with the constant reminders of "eh... u still remember who paid for ur fees when u were schooling not???" (i think my mum is wrong to say that tho... that is too hurting for a man's pride... and u can't use gratitude to win an argument).

if it's out of guilty conscious.. i rather he'll just save that money for himself. I don't want to be another tool

The morning Sun

6.50a.m...

I'm seldom awake at this time. Usually i'll be resting from a tiring game of warcraft or grasping my last hr of sleep before a lecture.

Since i'm quite awake after a 27hrs sleeping marathon since CNY eve, I'm very observant to the surroundings, particularly the colour of the sky. To my surprise, the world outside my window is still covered in darkness, I would expect the sun to rise before 6.30.

This reminds me of a very important observation i made since secondary sch, times when i have to wake before the sun. The sun does not rise at the same time everyday. It may not be news to others, but it was shocking for me, for i have always considered the sun to be a reliable determinant of time. When I was younger, I could tell time by judging the position of the sun, or the shadow of the window grills it casted onto the blackboard. The ability went away when i switched to more reliable methods like wearing a watch. Since then, I'll only think of the sun when i need a tan or when i need to dry my clothes.

However, even though it is not moving in accordance to the clock, it has its own period to follow. It is usually late at the beginning of the year, refusing to wake before 7. Throughout the days that follow, it becomes more hardworking and rises earlier. In september, the first ray can emerge as early as 6.20am. (that is quite disturbing as the rising of the sun signifies the start of a new day of chores and work for me, extremely unpleasant especially when I was taking my time to brush my teeth.)

If you don't agree with me, go see for yourself. Even if you're not an early bird, you can observe the sun as it sets. If you bother that is.

I realised my previous posts were all about politics and misfortunes

To put an end to the sad sad tone....

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
to you, and of course to myself

may I grow vertically and stop developing horizontally, score distinction for exams without much studying, earn cca points without working, finish my animation i've been talking about since NS, and be contented with 6hrs sleep everyday!!!

Be HAPPY in the rooster year.....

Term test in a week's time.