suddenly, i feel the urge to grow up.

I cannot possibly skip the process of growing and become a grown up right? The feeling of waiting is extremely distasteful...

It's like walking in a very long tunnel, i know the exit's ahead, but i can't see the light.

taxi uncles

I always think that taxi drivers are wu lin gao shuo who have seen the years and grew tired of the worldly affairs, else they won't have so much to share.

One i've chatted with was a diver csm. He told great stories of the 42click marathon he runs every year.

"Young man, i tell you. I never believe in stopping. I dare say even at this age i can win many young ppl" Which is true... i can't even complete a 42click run. It is beyond an average person, considering that the average person works in field that is normally not related to running. Who would have think taxi uncles are capable of completing this kind of distance.

The other uncle i chatted with recently could have been a politician, except that he used KNN and CCB, and pointed the international sign to the windscreen. I never knew that taxi drivers have such insights on political and economical issues. I was ashame of myself for not being able to keep up the conversation.

"KNN... What do you think of the new minister huh?" (it sounded more aggressive in hokkien, but i can't type hokkien)
"we have a new minister meh?"
"Wa biang eh... u studying in Uni but u dunno this kinda thing ah???"
"No lah, I'm going there to visit a friend only"

I don't take cab frequently, and when i do, i'll be painfully parting away a big portion of my miserable allowance. And with that in mind, I won't like to hear a story from an uncle with an oversized ego or express my opinion on politics.... but i have to admit, it's amusing sometimes...

On the otherhand, i don't mind normal common folks conversation... like where is the best place to eat, how come the weather so hot....blah blah blah...

few more weeks to go

If time is analogous to distance, I'm at the last 400m of my 2.4 km run again!!!!

Exams in 23days. 5 textbooks and 20 tutorials to finish... on top of my presentation, eca stuffs, and the stupid movies....

talking about the stupid movies... basket!!! someone please remind me to make a complain at the end of the sem...

After tonight, i'll be 'sprinting' all the way to the finishing point. I'll try not to stop lah, and for that i'll appreciate it if there are ppl who want to sprint together with me.

i'm talking about 'studying' buddies and 'really go running' buddies

DINNER

Dinner was at hall 10, and I was playing host to my sector. Around the table sat my juniors, justin and me. I swear our table was the noisiest table in the function hall... and in such context, noise is good.

A few things i have to say

1) DINNER WAS GOOD... I'm talking about the dishes. Sushi, tempura, croake (potato cake... how to spell ah?), popcorn chicken (actually it's chicken in flour), and many other dishes i can't name. I'm glad because i was playing host, and because i had my fill.

2) DINNER WAS GOOD... again. I'm talking about the place. NTU hall 10... such convenient place for me. Tho some commented the setting was like a wake.... din matter.

3) DINNER WAS GOOD... This time i'm talking about the company. Tho none share my age, the talking and joking were extremely pleasant. It's strange how ppl i've hardly met can be more pleasant than friends i've known for long. Maybe NPCC cadets tend to gravitate toward one another.

A BIG thank you to Collin and whoever planned this dinner. Thanks for being generous in rewarding the crowd controllers, who of course, deserve that treat. :)

A walk in the garden of destiny

"SANDMAN" vol 4 describes destiny's garden where everyone walks till death or beyond. At every point in the garden is a crossroad where one will choose his path of advance. Whichever path he chooses, there is no turning back. Eventually, every path leads to death, and at death some may look back and see only one path behind them; some dream of paths they could have taken but did not.

I've recognised a route in the garden and my path of life is a big circle. At every point of time i feel i'm changing, yet ultimately i find myself in the same spot as i started.

don't know what to put as title

Feel like pouring my hearts content

As i walked the school at night, the cool air greeted my face, my hands and legs, parts that faced the atmosphere barely and bravely. It has been a long time since i last walked the school at this hour alone (or have i ever?) and i can't possibly describe how refreshing it was. The thought of being alone in such abundances of space, the whole world seemed to have emptied all its occupants tonight just for me. All except the trees, the bugs, and the dim streetlights.

The trees seemed bigger than usual, their presence was overwhelming. As i took small strides toward a destination that was undecided, the trees communicated to my mood directly. Sometimes swaying their branches to dance with the gentle breezes, sometimes staying still to show their sturdiness.

I reached the lake and felt relieved momentarily. The water body has this calm and comforting presence about it. The bugs made their clucking sounds steadily as if they were singing a song. I listened for a while. Suddenly, i felt puzzled. What was I seeking relief from?

The lake answered directly to my heart. It spoke in a manner that the ears could not detect. It used no word, and yet i understood just by watching it from the fence that i leaned on.

I was troubled by nothing that I can describe in words, even as i understand what it is now. That was why i seeked the refuge of my time alone rather than pouring it out to a friend, because there are not many friends who can understand me without verbal communication.

The lake, on the other hand, granted me the magic power to sort out my thoughts and feelings on my own.

lost hp.... and the question of honesty

Within a month, My friend Junwei lost his HP twice...
2 DIFFERENT HPs!!!! mind u

Though i think my friend can only suck his own thumb for being so careless... I wonder why HPs can be lost so easily. The hp like disappeared from the face of this earth, even when my friend tried calling his own phone, he was greeted by the friendly voice of the operator telling him his phone has chosed that time to stop functioning..... why sia??

Isn't hp owners the easiest to trace among all creatures on Earth?? How come i seldom hear of ppl returning lost HPs????

Those who pick lost hp and keep it for their own use are no different from criminals... You are holding on to other ppl's possession, and it's not like they can't be contacted. B4 you smile at how fortunate you are for having an extra hp, think again about the loss that the owner will feel, think of the inconveniences that you are causing him... and think... DO YOU HAVE A NEED FOR THAT HP IN THE FIRST PLACE???? you're just being greedy... bloody criminals!!!!!

To think my friend lost his hp in sch..... place full of people who are highly educated.

what will you do if you pick a lost hp?

2 movies

Luckily, I didn't heed Alvin's advise and went ahead to watch A series of unfortunate events...
feedback from somebody who hasn't watch the show may not be accurate at all.

I like the movie very much. At the very beginning, the narrator warns that the movie is not a happy one, there is nothing happy about the film, no happy beggining, no happy ending.... he urges the audience to leave the cinema. Of course, that is only a strategy to keep the movie intriguing. And so much for promising that the movie is not going to be a happy one, but the movie brings about so much laughter that there isn't a single hint of sorrow that can be detected.
At the end, even though the content is not a happy one, but the fact that the orphans share love, wits and kindness makes it a happy ending (for now that is, lionel is sure that sequels are on their way).

side note:
lionel commented that children's books are getting darker. Their storybooks now expose them to murder and stuffs... compare harry potter to charlie's chocolate factory (of our time). Maybe children's books are no longer meant for children.

By a great stroke of luck, i managed to watch another movie on sunday, which is also a good movie.

sex is zero

The story is very predictable as the same plot has been used and reused many many times before. Dumb boy likes girl A, girl A falls for rich guy instead, rich guy dumps girl B to be with A, later dumps A as she finds herself pregnant. A finally knows Dumb boy is the one who's always there for her.

Yes, i've spoil it for u. But the film is not good for its main story plot, it is the way the film portrays teenshood that is worth watching. (warning: this thing has scenes of nudity... but don't expect anything, watch it as a comedy)

no re-watch value tho

gin nah!!!

Yesterday's gathering confirmed my favourite theory. My bmt mates who are still in the army have not change a bit since i last saw them. Patrict still has that silly smile, that adorable blur look; eugene still the outspoken lao da who derives pleasure from verbally challenging the rest of us; aaron is still wearing the comical smile; nich stayed quiet while trying hard to translate our singlish conversation to something he can comprehend. Those who are still in the army remain who they were.

While ppl who have left the army transformed greatly, the transformation goes in 2 directions... progressing forward and moving backwards. Kok, my bmt buddy, who needed me to bring him around at night cos he suffers from night blindness (and i've led him to fall into a few trenches after me cos my vision is not that good either), is now a dashing programmer who clubs and party at night. As for me, i've moved in the other direction and now look like a SI GIN NAH of age 15 years old. My bmt mates were all laughing at the irony of this as me and my buddy were once similar.

Many times, i was asked for my IC for a nc16 show, for a bottle of vodka orange, for the entrance of a club... etc, And my friends (many who are still in army) always laugh at me until i take out my IC (something which they miss dearly). But the ultimate triumph over my friends means nothing to me, for their problem is tempory, but mine is long term. I don't understand how a 22 yo can look like a 15 yo.

And whenever i complain to some ppl about this, they'll dismiss it with some jokes. " oh please, don't be flattered by that"... blah blah blah..... some told me that it is a good thing to look young. Yes, i agree... but it's ot a good thing to look like a si gin nah.

I recall being questioned in a school i've did relief teaching in by the discipline master who mistook me for one of the students in home clothings. I recall taking a group of students who thought i'm near their age and refused to listen to me. I recall having difficulties applying for jobs as they have doubts about my capability without even looking at my qualifications or speaking to me.

It's hard to live a 22yo life like a 15 yo.

I guess i can't do much about how i look. I can only convince ppl that the appearance is deceiving, I may look like a si gin nah, but my ability is way above that level.

a little on uni life

Just got one load off my shoulder...

Hall play was a great success!! Though i was doing an insignificant job as a spotlight technician, I felt like tearing as the play ended. It concluded the end of 9mths hard work (out of which i'm only involved in the last few days...) of everyone... everyone was cheering, audience, cast, crews, director, stage managers, musicians... i din think i'm in their team at first (i was merely there to earn 10 points), but i 'm glad that i'm involved... it's quite an experience.

Somebody said it's like giving birth... 9 mths of hard work, and one night of climax... "ALL OF YOU PUSH HARD TONIGHT ALRIGHT!" haha. I don't share the magnitude of that sentiment though, cos i've only joined production a couple of weeks ago when they found they needed somebody to do the spotlight. The end of the play actuaklly felt the same like ORDing for many of them.

still... good that it's over, cos studying has to be done soon or else i can't revise for exams.

Asked danny if he's sian with uni, he said he felt "helpless"... apt.

Every sem, we have to finish at least 4 or 5 textbooks.

And we have to be active in hall to make sure we'll have a place next year.

And imagine if we decide to join another cca of interest....

f@*king busy

Everyone is.... and if they can do it, I must do better!

Uni life is unlike all other experiences in the past... the kind that u're tied with heaps of work, can't possibly extricate urself from any, and yet u don't look forward to a break. Everyday new adventures await... everyday u meet new ppl... sometimes circumstances push u around, and u gotta react fast... sometimes u feel helpless over ur own fate

I've totally lost touch with the life i used to have...

miss the weekends... miss the talk cock sessions... miss going for movies... miss playing bball... miss my own bed, everytime i sleep on it, the scent i pick doesn't smell like mine, i suspect my father or brother has been sleeping on it.

i think i lack good kahkees.... those i can KB sq with. I lack somebody to give me directions... (but maybe it's good that i decide most of the things myself to be independent). Maybe i need a gf as well... who will jio me to the library and motivate me to study, and listen to me grumbling.

Till then... i have Mariah carey's through the rain to be my source of inspiration

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own
and I knowThat I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

sidenote... it has not been raining... which is good for my laundry... but bad for taking afternoon naps.

mess

I hear these words too often: MY LIFE IS A MESS!!!

I hear it from undergrads, from NS boys, from the working population, on tv, and many times from myself...

This time, i find life messy for more apparent reasons.... messy table, messy room, messy files, messy schedule, messy hair, messy sleep pattern, messy eating habits.....

Looking back at how my life was spent in the last 21 years and few months, I can't tell which part of my life is really messy... i realised, however, when i'm stuck too long in a certain phase, i will grow tired and find everything i do senseless.

Take the present moment as an example, life has never been better in my life. I'm free to skip classes, free to sleep in the day and wake at night, free to play basketball at 11pm... university life was what i longed for... it was my ray of light when i was in army, believing i'll enjoy better days soon enough. I thought that there would be no reason to find life messy anymore.....
however, few weeks into school term, i began hating my life again.

Maybe it's human nature not to be contented...

short attention span

I'm amaze with my own ability to distract myself from work

was on the phone with someone i'm supposed to persuade to join our committee... while desperately trying to convince the other party of the benefits, i walked mindlessly to the bathroom, hp clinged between my head and shoulder, picked the the toothbrush, squeezed the tube, and inserted the toothbrush into my mouth.....

the other day while waiting for bus, i amuse myself by watching the spider fighting with a trapped insect... spent half an hr there before i realised

times i need to send emails, i 'll complete a few rounds of mindsweeper before i finish

times i need to do my hw... i end up blogging instead

times i need to eat... i'll lie on bed and sleep

times i need to sleep... i'll find something to read or eat.

How dreams are altered with respect to time

When I was young, the concept of death and parting was very scary to me. I was so scared that i decided to be a scientist when i grow up. I would be the one to come up with potions that can preserve life eternally.

When i was n primary school, i found my first dream silly. However, I still wanted to be a scientist because scientists seemed to be the only group of people who are advancing with time. While other people are busy learning how to work with past inventions, scientists make new ones to replace the old.

In secondary school, i failed every art examination and became more determined to fulfill my childhood dream.

In JC, i found that my maths and science were not that strong afterall. I managed to scrape through by the skin of my teeth, and i was glad enough..... (JC was a distressing period, no time to think about dreams and aspiration)

After A'levels, I began teaching back in my alma mater. I found teaching job suitable for me and was considering if i should join NIE after A's. Afterall, I feel protected in the academical environment, the outside world seemed to be a scary place full of monsters.

While waiting for the release of my A'levels, I thought about my future again. I found that money should be of utmost importance since it's directly proportional to the degree of happiness (i came up with that eqn). I wanted to sign on in the army since they pay well.

When i was completing my sispec course, I was given a chance to sign on as officer but they didn't offer scholarship. I decided that my freedom is too valuable to be sold. All i longed for was a simple life outside the rigid institution. I felt i could do so much more outside.

Out of boredom, I borrowed junjie's rich dad poor dad. That book inspired me for a while and i decided I want to retire before 35. That dream was a short-lived one as i soon woke from it. That was really dreaming.

When i was enrolled into engineering course, I became hesitant again. I felt i could do better in Economics. I talked to my father but he hinted that he would not be able to afford the expenses if i change my course.

Now, I've decided that i'll get my engineering hnours with a econs minor, work for a few years, and start something on my own. I'm always thinking of opening a fast foood resturant that serves cheap and affordable junk food, so that no one is deprived of oily and greasy unhealthy food in the future. Fast food resturants now are exploiting their customers.