Come 1st of July, I'll be embarking on a new journey. This time equipped with more of both freedom and responsibilities. And I am welcoming this change with lots of excitment and anticipation.

I know work is not just about fun and interest. There will definitely be the 'not so pleasant' sides of work and I am mentally prepared to face any of them. I hope this passion I have for the job will motivate me for as long as it takes. I want to see results in matters of months.

The past half a year has been a fulfilling journey. They say the year of the rat is bad for the pigs, but i disagree. Things are working well for me. And I've matured a lot in terms of attitude and skills. I have never been this clear about what I want in life and I will achieve my short term goals in 2 years.

Of course, I can't deny there are still lots of things I should improve on. And I am seriously looking at them.

I was in the NPCC AGM yesterday and one of the candidates gave a very thought provoking speech. She said we only have 24 hours a day and it's up to us how we make use of that time. It reminds me of what penguin used to say, "It's not about the number of hours you put in, but the things you out in the hours."

What do I want to put in my hours? Hardwork, family, friends, self-improvement.

That should be all for now.

need to be sharper

Humans will tend to avoid having cognitive dissonance. We call this the rule of consistency. This may involve building defences for conflicting beliefs in the face of overwhelming evidence that the contrary in true. Hence, human beings are born to be stubborn in this sense.

Strangely, I thought I am less of a stubborn person because I can always shape my beliefs when they do not comply with reality, but the personanlity test I did in Keyence told me that I am more stubborn than average people. Arg, another dissonance!

It's going to be 7am now and this will be the time I'll be waking for work everyday. Not too bad since I get to wake after the sun, which is quite unimaginable if I work elsewhere. Haha. Everything about the job sounds too good for me.

Well, the thing about waking is that there's a period of time when the conscious starts drifting, and somehow I always see unpleasant images during that time. What I learned is how not to let it affect the rest of the day.

I think I'm actually quite adaptable

About saturdays

Saturdays seem to be special. Interesting things come with new perspectives and new progression. And this saturday I learned new things again.

I couldn't keep pace and I shouldn't rush, that was the best decision I could make. And it's still not wrong :)

No more hanging and there's only one route forward. It makes it easier for me to move to where i want to be. I'm quite glad that this happens. Feels like I have the peace I've been seeking for.

Or is it numbness??? No idea, but it helps if it won't wear off. I hate the mornings.

enough of self psycho-ing... do something to make youself more stable k, zy?

Anyways, it feels nice to know where I'm heading. Been losing my way around too much.

AND!!!!!!!! I'm still looking forward to completing my tasks in a month.

PIAK PIAK PIAk

zhongyi-!h6uoɥz says:
how's nepal

Dream your life, Live your dream... says:
i go india..not nepal

zhongyi-!h6uoɥz says:
tot u wanted nepal

Dream your life, Live your dream... says:
initially yes..but mt everest close n political situaition messy so decided to change location lor

zhongyi-!h6uoɥz says:
orrrhhh

zhongyi-!h6uoɥz says:
how's india?

Dream your life, Live your dream... says:
bombing lor

Eat my Heart
Negate my senses
I want to move away from here
And I will never look back

This point of stagnancy
The self invited worries
The entangled strings of emotions
The spatula that stirs up the feelings
I will throw them far behind me

I will bring with me only the fire
The passion towards a better future
The urge to transform into a better person
And this will be enough to drive me
To fill the vacuum that is now overwhelming

Everything else is insignificant in the face of this transition

About the last week of holidays

The environment in which I signed the contract was a little different from what I had expected. I was sitting in starbucks with the vice president while he explained the terms and gave me an overview on what to expect. We chatted for 2 hours before he returned to the office. It was quite different from the other company I went to. I got a feeling that this company emphasize a lot on communication and is very team oriented. I think I can grow a lot in this company.

I was given a list of tasks I need to complete in the first 3 months and I'll aim to finish all of them in one month so I can move on to other projects soon.

This week will be the last week of rest. I have been packing my time with random things but now I got to do proper time management. I want to strike a work life balance, although I'm prepared to commit a lot of time into this job. I'll definitely step up on my readings and writings because my speed has gone down a lot. There're a lot of good books in the library that I want to read. And like everyone else, I'll also take up hobby classes during the weekends. And yes.... driving classes too. Bothers me that I still can't drive.

And since Timothy aims to get his 6 pacs at the end of 3 months, I'm also motivated to level up my fitness. I should really WAKE UP to go for morning jogs. Something which only happened once or twice a year in the past. ANd I shall commit to the training regime I planned.

以前事事顺立时， 我安于现状， 却一点也不开心。

现在烦恼的事多的是， 对自己也有许多不满， 但反而觉得突然活了过来， 对未来也非长地向望。

Decision making time in 2 hrs...... but I already have my answer.

稳重

These two words struck me during one of the conversations today. Timothy was saying that we need to get ourselves more 稳重. So we came up with ways to level up our 稳重ness. Of course, the first step is to find out more about the meaning of the term.

沉静庄重；不轻浮处事谨慎而踏实：
这主要是说男人的，说男人出事能够缜密考虑，不会浮躁冒进，比较可靠。

http://baike.baidu.com/view/980725.htm

:)

:) ....

I'm given the chance to go into this industry afterall. Although the technology is still pretty much at its infact stage, I cannot see a reason why it'll not be big in the near future. I'm glad that I can be part of this growth.

So that concludes my job hunt. I'm very pleased that I have this offer and I'll work hard in this. I don't know why, but computer vision systems interest me very much. Maybe it's because we're re-creating the human perception on computer systems. Or maybe because there're lots of problems solving involved. I get so thrilled knowing that I'll be working in this field soon.

And kelvin mentioned that he played a big part in this because he was the one who asked me to take up the project and he was the person who told me about the company. Very true. Sometimes small decisions like these lead to the big things in life. So probably that's what it means by making big impact by doing small things.

More updates on wednesday after I talk with the company.

seeee ri ous leeee..... this wednesday is probably going to decide how my future will be.....

big day

I bumped into the 2 kids today and I felt very happy to see them. I was very surprised that they still remember me. And they were very excited to tell me about the hamster, creamy. And ya, I was also surprised that he's still alive.

Some sweet memories remain sweet. Some became bitter. But I am doing very well in forgetting the bitter ones.

I shall no longer say that I've moved on because I did that so many times and it keeps coming back to me. In the past few months, I was on an emotional journey. I have never felt emotions so intense and I've never been this lost. I guess I was so stupid sometimes that people just want to give me a slap to wake up. But I'm still glad I've been through this. It makes me feel that life is more complete because I've experienced emotions I never knew. And it makes me feel empty at the same time.

There's always a bright side to everything. Being empty means I can choose what I want to place in my life and clean out all the mess. :) Ya right, the mess is always there. but then, I can manage them better. Not everything has to have answers. And I need not seek for all the answers.

All this time, my problem lies in only one thing. Myself. And that's where I need to work on.

After the trip, I finally understand what I've lost. I've lost a little confidence, a little self esteem and also my opinions. They're not taken by anyone, it's just me allowing myself to go into a whirlpool of depression. But I'm getting all these back, if not now then soon. I am already on track.

And it helps when there's something to look forward to. I am now very excited about my future career. Got one good offer but I hope my dream job would offer me too. I know the first job will decide what type of lifestyle I'm going to lead. I feel the fire's being ignited again and I really want this chance to prove myself. And this is what i really need in this moment. I don't mind committing all my time into this.

On BGR, I've learned quite a lot too. Somehow I've got a number of friends who met with unpleasant issues and we often have discussions. Through their stories I picked up new things. I can now see things more clearly, and that may give me a good sense on what I should do. Be stronger.

with or without you

Sometimes I wonder what kind of stories inspire songs like this...



This must be one of the greatest concert performances......

I am in the midst of planning another trip because the last one was so fun but too short. This time I'm going to plan something cheaper cos I'm going broke soon. Maybe a weekend getaway in Batam? Haha... anyone interested?

There're a few interesting things I like to write about tonight, but I'm just too tired. maybe I'll do it after my interviews if I can remember.

Sleepy...

Crossing Shanghai

I was very fortunate to meet two other NTU students at the taxi stand and we shared a cab to the area near Fudan. It was a one hour ride from Pudong airport which was a good chance to see the city. In Shanghai, you can see clusters of tall buildings in the midst of short buildings. The new buildings were also built between the old buildings. The distribution seemed random and interesting.

The bridges were huge. When the cab went under one of those, it blocked the entire sky. The traffic was very smooth at 11pm. We could see the big trucks coming out of the construction areas with giant piles of mud. The mud spilled onto the road in big chunks, and we could hear Splash as they impacted the ground.

It was like watching a dinosaur shitting and I have no idea why I enjoyed that.
The road was very reflective when it’s wet. Apparently, Shanghai had been raining all day before we arrived and the cab driver told us that it would probably be raining for a week. That was bad news because it meant I could not run around as much as I wanted to.

The cab turned into one of the streets, and the new friends got out of the cab. Then it took another few turns and I got out in front of an apartment building. From a distance, I heard someone calling out for me, “Zhongyi?”

And then I saw a dark figure emerged from the surrounding darkness. Mr Dark was still pretty dark after all.

back

yea.... shiok

I'm back from my really short and fulfilling trip with new perspectives and a clearer mind. Self fulfilling prophecy... Haha


It felt more like going to a friend's place to stay for a few days. Nonetheless, there're some fresh things to see and many good food to eat. Been really really unhealthy. Going to feed on subway tomorrow.

It's the same city life, except that this time it's with a group of international students. Go around looking for cheap stuffs and cheap food. Make new friends. Snap pictures. Explore the area.... eat eat eat....... sleep lots too.

And I've been to holland in china... if you know what i mean.

Feels so good to have a break from my routine.

Yeap... going to document what I've got from this trip. NOW i'm having a BIG reunion with my bed and pillow. :)

No more insomnia

Although they say there's no direct relationship, I think i've grown a bit of belly from all the drinking I'm having recently. Gotta lose that after my trip.

Now I'm a bit high..... :)

I'll be taking a little break, just for a while, before I resume my job hunting and tying the loose ends in my life. I just feel I'll be able to energize myself after this break and I'll see things with a broader mind and a bigger perspective.

Yeap... a broader mind is what I'm seeking for now. Everything else will fall in place with that. And before I attain that, I shall not dive too hard or too deep into anything.

Results are out and I did quite well this sem. But it didn't help very much in pulling up the overall grades. Good thing that I've graduated and it's now a complete closure to my academic life.

:) Speaking of closure.....

I'm looking forward to the end of some other things too... but it doesn't matter if they don't come soon. I can cope.

What's the word for having things different from how they were before?






change

This whole week is going to be eventful. I have a whole series of interviews to attend, some goods to rush, results releasing on thursday, and then there's my trip to Shanghai on saturday. Ahhh...... can't wait till saturday!!!!! I'm really expecting to gain some new perspectives in this trip.

Just regretting that the trip is rather short. Should really have planned for a longer one.

On another matter, I feel my patience is running thin and I wonder if this is my problem. I really can't keep making my time free when I'm just being slotted into the free time and am always the first to be pushed away. Or am I holding unreasonable expectations and there isn't really anything to be pissed about? There's so much waiting and I don't want to allow myself in that position anymore. There're so many important things I need to do.

And I'm not pissed, I just don't like the treatment. But then it gives me a clearer picture on where I'm standing so that's actually a good thing. At least I know how to adjust my expectations and gradually reduce this senseless reliance I have.

Hey

It's 5.08am and I'm still 3/9 away from finishing my circuits...... hahaha.... no sleep tonight.

sleepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arggggggggggggg

angels or devils

This has been one of my favaourites since i first heard it way back in the army?? Can't really remember. I could not find the official MV anywhere so i reckoned there isn't one. So here's one with random pictures of funny looking angels and hideous demons. Best I can find on youtube.

I like how the song illustrates the conflicting nature of things using the theme of angels and devils. There's a kind of resolve to overcome this struggle, not by running away, but by acknowledging the contradictions. You'll just feel better when you listen to songs like this.

Still stirred, and still feeling unrest. But then at least I'm functional again. I know sometimes it's not possible for some feelings to just go away, so maybe it's right to learn how to live with them while I occupy my time with productive things. But if I can be indifferent to things, at least for now, that will be very good. And that's something I'm trying very hard to do.

And I realised the importance of time. Gotta spend it wisely... Sometimes I wonder why I allow myself to be caught in situations that disrupt proper time managing, and i feel dumb. I need better time management.